I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
