wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
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Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
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We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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