Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
420 ftw
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
