My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
