Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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