my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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