I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize