She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
