he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
