He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
