names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
