i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
