I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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