You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
