New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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