totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize