I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
