I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
