We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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