don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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