I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
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I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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