bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
