I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
