i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
