I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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