I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
