I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
