Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
