There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
