i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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