Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
