Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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