Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
