God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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