Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
