Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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