talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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