So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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