I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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