Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
