Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
