we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
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Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.