Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.