i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
