just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?