Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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