those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
