You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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