My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
