What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
