If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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