It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
