all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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