Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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