Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
