Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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