Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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