I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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