i think my tv is drunk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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