I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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