Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I did not marry a roomba.
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