Ambien. No doubt about it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my shit smells like andre
This house was built for laser tag.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
