she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
