Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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