Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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