I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
