the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
