Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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