he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
