just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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