I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
