I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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