He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i believe in u and ur pee
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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