Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
