yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
