Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
