i love accidental penises.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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