Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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