i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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